He remains faithful

Honesty time: I am really bad at this whole "trust" thing. My mind becomes filled with lies. Lies about my past, lies about those I do trust, lies about what The Lord is doing, and lies about my future. However, I can repeat truth all day long. My head knows truth (The Lord) from lies (the enemy) but my heart has a hard time believing it.

This past week my brakes began to make a very obnoxious grinding sound.
I thought "great, this is going to cost me a fortune".
I began to look into what could be wrong and I discovered I needed new rear brake pads and rotors.
I was quoted $250, including a $50 off coupon.
I began to pray.
I am a poor college student trying to complete my last semester of college, apply for jobs, remain faithful in my teaching and planning, and above all else, stay sane.

My cooperating teacher and I have become really good friends.
She serves as a mentor to me.
She, herself, is a graduate of Cedarville and she loves The Lord.
We initially hit it off because we have the common bond of Cedarville but I soon realized how much she truly cares for me and how much she wants to help me and guide me in my teaching.

I started to tell her about my current situation after I found out that her car battery died and her rear brakes are doing the same thing. She asked me how much it was going to be to fix and I told her about $250.
She did not like that.
She immediately started to think of people who could help me out and I appreciated her willingness to help.
Her husband was going to pick up the brake pads for her car yesterday and she told me she was going to tell him to look at what it would cost for the parts to change mine as well.
She texted me later that evening saying it would cost only $60 for the parts and she was determined to find someone to change them for me.
She contacted her cousin and he volunteered to change my rear brake pads and rotors for me.
I was floored.
Why would this woman do something so nice for me?

This morning I met her at her cousins house and we dropped off my car and the parts and went to lunch. We talked education and I got to know her youngest daughter, Lyndie.
When we got back to her cousins, he told me it needed the brake pads and rotors changed so he did both for me. I asked him what I owed him and he told me nothing, he just makes people pay for the parts, but I handed him $20 anyway and thanked him.
I then asked my teacher what I owed her for the parts and she smiled and said consider it my birthday gift to you.
Again, no words.
I was shocked.
We said our goodbyes and I headed back to campus.

As I write this, I have tears streaming down my face.
A job that should have cost me $250, cost me $20.
Oh what little faith I have.

I often find it comical how terrified I was to student teach.
Actually, I dreaded it.
I knew I wanted to go to seminary and I knew I didn't want to teach so the whole thing seemed so silly to me.
But now I see what The Lord was doing.
He was blessing me.
Blessing me with a wonderful cooperating teacher who loves The Lord and loves her students.
Her heart shines Jesus and when I'm around her, I see Him.

So back to my point at the beginning, The Lord is continually placing me in situations which can only be explained in one word, "God". Situations where I find myself convicted to the point of tears because I realize how little trust I have in The Lord.
After all, if I can trust him with my salvation, why can't I trust Him with the little things?
Hasn't he always provided?

Yes.

So, in the Gospels, when Jesus asks His disciples why they have such little faith, He's actually asking me why I have such little faith.
I have no answer.
But I know that when I become faithless and inconsistent in my walk with The Lord, He remains faithful.
And i'm grateful for that.

Melanie

Provision

"God will provide"

Oh how I hear those words and how I struggle to believe them in my heart.

Most of you know, I was recently accepted into Dallas Theological Seminary and many of you have been asking the story of how this came to be.
Well, last semester, I had this intense desire to go to seminary.
At first, I laughed at myself and thought "yeah, like that will happen, you are broke"
But the desire did not go away, it became more intense and I knew God was calling me to something that was very out of my comfort zone.
I googled "top 10 seminary schools". I know, it sounds hilarious but I had no idea what I was doing.
And there it was, Dallas Theological Seminary.
I clicked on the link and explored the website.
I fell in love with the school.
I knew God was telling me to apply.
I began my application in November and I avoided that thing like the plague.
The application essays were so intrusive.
The questions were very deep and intense and I found myself so drained after writing each one.
I closed out of the application several times and prayed. I knew I was supposed to apply but after answering the essays I didn't think I had a chance.
I finally submitted my application in December and they told me it would be 3 weeks until I heard anything.
You can bet I checked my email 10000000 times a day and prayed every time I thought about it.
People kept asking me what my plan b was.
Plan b? I didn't have a plan b. This was plan b. Plan a, b, c, d...etc.
I didn't apply to any other schools.
Finally, I received an email that told me I had been accepted into the Masters of Christian Education program at Dallas Theological Seminary.
I found out while I was in a meeting during my teacher inservice last Friday and I could barely contain myself.

So, there you have it, this fall I will be pursuing my Masters degree in Christian Education through Dallas Theological Seminary. With the completion of my master's degree (or during), I hope to become a Resident Director and then move my way up into a Dean's position.
Thankfully, the program is online for the first year or two so it's flexible wherever I get a job.
And no, I will not be moving to Dallas, contrary to popular belief :)

The Lord has surely taken me on quite the adventure this school year. From deciding I did not want to use my education degree traditionally, to applying and being accepted into seminary which pulled me completely out of my comfort zone and forced me to rely completely on Him.

I listened.

And I will continue to listen.
Even though I haven't the slightest idea how I will pay for seminary, I know this is exactly what The Lord has planned for my life.

He's provided this far.
And He will continue.

I cannot wait :)

Melanie

Share your story

I am in the middle of two books. Two very different books.
I am reading The Reason for God by Timothy Keller and Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey.
While you might find the title of the second book a little strange, that's okay, I did too.
I picked it up out of curiosity.

Recently, I have been on a quest to redefine Christianity.
At least, redefine it in my own heart.

I'm fascinated by people stories.
What they have been through.
What they have overcome.
How they met Jesus.
Basically, their story of grace.

I am constantly reading blog posts and constantly trying to identify with someone.
But i've come to discover that my story and someone else's story will never look the same.
Sure, we have one thing in common, Jesus, but how I met Jesus and my encounter with Him, will never be the same as someone else's.
And I think that is how it was intended.

Whether I am a complementarian or an egalitarian, a calvinist or an arminian, whether I believe in predestination or free will, whether I am pre-tribulation or post-tribulation, a baptist or a presbyterian, doesn't matter.
What matters is my personal relationship with Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit inside my heart.

I picked up a copy of Jesus Feminist completely out of curiosity, but what I've discovered by reading her book is that Sarah Bessey loves Jesus and has a heart for the Lord.
She is passionately seeking His will the only way she knows how.
She is fighting for what she believes is right and for that, I respect her.
I understand the entire reason behind her book because I understand her story.

People do not make sense without their stories.

So share yours.
With your best friend, with a person you met a month ago, with the random man you met in Walmart.
You never know how much your story can bless someone else or how much freedom can come from leaning into the pain.


Melanie

A beautiful mess

As I was driving back to school tonight for my last semester at Cedarville, my head was spinning with thoughts of fall semester, fears of spring semester, and hopes for my future. 

People keep asking me "You have one semester left! That's crazy! Are you ready?!"

I have spent three and a half years at Cedarville University. 
I have met and formed relationships that I will have for the rest of my life.
I have learned how to become a teacher.
I have learned that I do not want to be a teacher.
I have learned how to fall more in love with Jesus.
I have discovered my passion.
I have been mentored and poured into by several women I trust and respect.
I have said many goodbyes but also several hellos.
And that is just to name a few.

The Lord has used my job as a resident assistant to teach me and bless me.
He has shown me my passion and my heart for mentoring and discipling. 
I have learned that I do love to teach, just not formally. 

Three years ago, I thought I would get to January and be more than excited to student teach but quite frankly, I do not want to do it. 
I love my students and I love when I teach a lesson and can see the light bulb moment happen but I hate the entire process that it takes to be a teacher.
The Lord has really shown me through my job as a RA that I want to pursue ministry.
I have submitted my application to Dallas Theological Seminary to pursue my Masters in Christian Leadership and I have also applied to be a Resident Director at Emmanuel College in Georgia.

While my heart has many dreams, my head is very rational.
I'm learning (slowly) that it's okay to dream and pursue the desires of my heart.
After all, The Lord is the one who gave me my passions and my gifts and I want to honor and glorify Him with them. 

I am in a season of unknown. If you know me, these are the seasons that I dread the most.

So, for everyone asking me the question "Are you ready?!"
Yes, I am ready, but I am terrified.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase"
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Countercultural Christianity

Have you ever felt like American Christianity was wrong, unsettling, moralizing, or fake?

That we are trying to create a culture that is simply legalistic and moral instead of loving and full of grace?

Did you know that we were given the name "Christian" as an insult?
"Oh, they are just being 'little Christ's'"
Hence the word Christian, "Christ like"
If that's an insult, bring it on.

Am I truly a Christian?
Am I truly Christ like?

The definition in and of itself is convicting.
Our entire existence on this planet revolves around bringing Him glory.
Do I do that?

Am I so wrapped up in tradition, or theology or school or relationships that I forget the simple definition of my religion?

I am to be like Christ.

I was journaling last night and God layed 1 Corinthians 13 on my heart as He often does to teach me more about His love.

Paul is writing this passage about the attribute of love.
God simply loves because that is His nature. He doesn't have to try, that's the essence of who He is.
He is love.
Everything written in that chapter is so countercultural to society.
I am not patient, nor am I always kind.
I insist on my own way.
I keep a tally of how many times someone hurts me.
I boast.
I idolize.
And I fail to love.
But He doesn't

And we will never comprehend what that looks like entirely.
But when we see a father holding his daughters hand, or a husband serving his wife, or a friend buying a homeless man a coke, we get a glimpse of Gods love.
And I smile because we also get a glimpse of heaven.

To be Christ like is to be countercultural.

I would rather be deemed crazy by society than to be seen as normal by God.

So here's to discovering what it means to be a Christian.
What is truly means to be a "little Christ"

Melanie

I need Jesus

"My heart will sing, no other name, Jesus"

I love that song and I love looking around and seeing other people singing their hearts out.

But this Monday was a little different.

I couldn't sing those words.

I tried, but I felt too convicted.

I sat down during that song and started to write.

I wrote exactly what I was feeling.

"Lord, I can't sing these words because they aren't true"

That was hard to admit.

In that moment, I realized how many things in my life I put before Jesus and I realized just how many other names my heart sings.
People, things, plans, ideas, all idols.

How many times a week do I have to remind myself to spend time with Him?

Too many.

How many times a week do I have to remember to give something to Him and not take it back?

Every day.

How many times a day do I have to remind myself that my future is not my own, it's His? 

Every minute. 

The really great thing about conviction and realizing how stupid I am as a human being is grace.

And when I have trouble remembering what grace feels like I think back to that moment on the monkey bars in Silver Lake, Michigan 7 years ago.

Grace feels like forgiveness.
Grace feels like I don't have to do life alone.
Grace feels like I am loved.
Grace feels like peace.

My heart may sing other names at times because I suck.
But because I suck, Christ died for me and I am forgiven.
And I will try my best to let my heart sing Your name.
But until I get it 100% right, I will continue to ask for forgiveness.

Melanie

Through the eyes of a child

Every summer I have the privilege of watching these two goofs

and we have so much fun whatever we do. Clearly, they were destined to be models.

This weekend I agreed to help out while they had wedding festivities to attend to and so I was there on a Saturday night which is not normal for me.
Julia and I had just gotten back from a bike ride and a mom and two kids came walking by and asked to pet Bentley and we agreed because he was the happiest pup alive to see a new face.
I started talking to the mom and it turns out she is the stepmom of the new boy in the neighborhood that Tanner has befriended.
We talked for a while and I knew the question she wanted to ask me...it happens often.
Finally she asks me how i've managed to look so good for having a 12 year old son.
I told her, well he's not mine, I am only 21 and then we both laughed and she apologized for assuming.
It was starting to get dark, so we said our goodbyes and went inside.
Julia walks in and sits down and asks me what it means to have a stepmom.
I hold my breath when she asks questions like this.
I told her it's when a mom and a dad decide to not be married anymore, they get a divorce and then if the daddy marries again then the kids have a stepmom.
She then remembers that my parents are divorced and she asks if I have a stepmom.
I told her I do.
She then asks me if that makes me sad.
I told her no, I am not sad anymore.
She said she feels sad for me.
Then she asks me if that would ever happen to her mom and dad.
I told her it would not because her mom and dad love each other very much and they are very different from my parents.
She seemed to find comfort in that and told me she was sorry for me and that she loved me.

It took me a while to recover from this conversation because it was a sad moment for me.
Julia realized for one moment the world she pictures in her head isn't actually reality and for a small second she grew up faster then she should.
Things aren't always as simple and innocent as she thinks.

She teaches me. Her innocence, her spunk, her beauty, her kindness, and her beautiful heart.

When you look at life through the eyes of an 8 year old, you realize just how beautiful and innocent the world truly is and I want her to hold onto that beauty and innocence.

An unexpected blessing

Did you know that 26 eleven year olds could teach you so much?

I didn't.

Did I think that my sassiest little girl would end up being my favorite?

Nope.

Did I think that my most defiant and snarky boy would respect me?

Never.

Did I think I would love teaching reading?

Absolutely not.

But all of these things came true.

Story 1:
I walked in on my first day and saw a little blonde fashion diva sitting in the corner with this sassy look on her face refusing to respond to anything my teacher was saying. I knew I had my work cut out for me with that one. The look she was giving my teacher was the exact look I gave my mom 10 years ago (sorry mom). I tried not to judge her from day one but that was rather difficult to do. She was a stinker (to put it nicely).
The next day, it was my turn to teach. She was challenging me with her faces and lack of participation. I asked a question and the same 5 students raised their hands...I waited (wait times important) and still no other takers so I called on one of those five afraid to look stupid. I asked another question, again, the same 5 hands. I asked for other volunteers. Her hand sheepishly went up.
She answered.
She was correct.
She smiled.
The next day she came in, put her stuff down, looked at the board, followed the directions and even collected the books at the end of the period.
The following day, she came in and instead of going straight to her seat, she came over to tell me a story.
I smiled.
Over the next few weeks, I made it a point to talk to her before and after class.
On Wednesday she came up to me and said "Good morning Miss McCallister, did you know it's national Vans day?"
I looked down at her hot pink pair of Vans and shook my head no.
I didn't even know there was such a day.
Turns out, her and I have a lot in common at age 11.
Who knew she would end up being one of my favorites?

Story 2:
There's always that one student that never turns anything in on time and if they do turn things in on time, it's never completed. The work is always rushed and poorly done because the goal is to just finish it, not to learn.
I remember doing similar things in reading class.
One day I decided to try small group reading and while I met with the different groups, the other students were supposed to be working on their Camp Green Lake brochures.
This process took two days which meant they had two days to complete this project in class.
I gave them a rubric to follow as well as an example I had done.
When it came time for them to be due, I was missing one.
Of course.
The next day I asked this student if he had his brochure.
He said no...
Points were deducted.
The following day I asked him if he had his brochure.
This time he said he just forgot it at home.
More points were deducted.
Three days later, he walks into class announcing "I HAVE MY BROCHURE"
Thank you for making that public announcement.
I take it from him, grade it.
He fails the assignment.
This is a repeated pattern.
Finally, one day, I walked over to him because he was not on task and I told him if he did not complete what he was working on in class it was for homework.
He nodded.
I asked him if he wrote it down in his agenda.
He shook his head no.
I told him to write it down.
He wrote it.
The next day he came into class announcing "MISS MCCALLISTER I DID MY HOMEWORK!"
Again, thank you for that making sure the entire middle school heard you.
He hasn't turned in one late assignment to me since.
I talk to him before class about what he's reading and he tells me in detail the entire story.
He raises his hand when I ask questions.
He smiles at me when I look at him instead of giving me the death glare (that's a plus).
He even offers to help me collect the books and pick up the classroom.
Who knew one conversation could cause such a behavior change?

Story 3:
I'm a math person.
I always have been.
My brain is very linear and I have never been very good at thinking abstractly.
I knew this field experience was going to be a challenge because I did not feel competent in the subject.
Want to know something funny?
My supervisor gave me the highest score on content knowledge. She says I know my stuff.
I laughed a little.
I definitely don't feel like I do.
At least she was encouraging.
I discovered I would love to teach reading. Not grammar, not language arts, just reading.
I love to incorporate creativity, drawing, games, writing, and laughter into my lessons.
The laughter is usually due to my mistakes but at least we can all laugh about it together.
You have to learn to laugh at yourself.
Like on Tuesday, we were completing an ABC character analysis for the main character in Holes.
We got to the letter J and I was drawing a blank so I asked the students if they had any ideas.
A student raised his hand and said juvenile.
Great.
How do you spell that? 
I've learned that i'm a horrible speller, well I've known that, but it's tripled when you're facing 26 students and they expect you to know everything.
My mind went completely blank.
So I smiled and said "that's a great word to describe him, can you spell that for me?"
Phew, great cover up, two lessons in one, character description and spelling.
My supervisor enjoyed that story in my reflection after the lesson.

This week has just confirmed that this is what I want to be doing with my life.
I teach because I love the students and I care about their learning.
I teach because they make me smile and laugh every single day.
I teach because if I can show them Christ's love then that's the greatest lesson I can teach them.

I'm going to miss these 26 silly sixth graders.

Melanie

Miss McCallister

About two weeks ago I started teaching reading at Rockway Middle School.

I have 26 sixth graders.

I love it!

But it didn't start out that way.

I went into this semester hesitant with my major and wondering if I actually wanted to teach.
I have many dreams and I feared my major would not take me where I want to go.
I began questioning if I should change my major or just graduate
You only have one more year.

I prayed a lot about it and everyone told me to just hold on.

So I held on.

Yesterday, after being back with my students from spring break, I felt content.
I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be and I was excited.

We are reading the book Holes.
And I am having so much fun with it.

Today, I asked them to journal about a quote that one of the counselors says to Stanley (the main character).
Mr. Pendanski says "you may have done some bad things, but that doesn't mean you're a bad kid"
I asked them to explain if they agreed or disagreed with this statement.

I never expected the responses I got.

Their writing screams redemption.
It's beautiful.

Here's some examples:

        "There are ups and downs to life"

        "No one can be exactly perfect"

        "Say your sorry and forgive"

        "Everyone has done something bad in their lifetime"

        "Everybody screws up in life, nobody's perfect"

And my favorite, I jumped when I read this one:

        "Jesus is always willing to welcome you back as one of his children"

You can bet I put a smiley next to that sentence!

I also gave everyone a check plus when I graded these. I was so pumped that some of them GET IT!

I'm learning that it's not about being good at the subject you are teaching it's about knowing how to teach and being good at teaching.

It was a happy day :)

Melanie

21st birthday surprise!

Let me start by saying, I am not a morning person and this morning I snoozed for a little longer then I should have so I was in a hurry.

I got up and it was pitch black but in the corner by my dresser I saw a dark shadow and I thought I forgot to move my suitcase or Hilary set her back pack there. When I walked over I saw this...

I smiled and grabbed my shower stuff and opened my door.

21 balloons fell in my face and on the ground into my room, I laughed. Thanks Taylor :)

I was barricaded in my room by a few trash bags taped to the outside of my door. 

I carefully pulled the bags off my door and headed to the shower, little did I know, Chelsea was watching me the entire time.

This was taped to the door.

When I got back I turned on the light and started to look at everything by my dresser. 

I found 21 cans of diet coke (Amber knows me too well)

I also found 21 flowers from Lauren Benjamin :) 

Then I found instructions on each one of the gifts.

At 10:21, I opened Hilary's gift. 

21 bags of pretzel M&M's. My favorite candy!

At 11:21 I opened my gift from Sam.

21 My Little Pony stickers to use in my classroom, but only for the annoying boys ;)

At 3:21 I opened Cassie's gift.

21 socks! So yes, I have ten and a half pairs of socks...

AT 4:21 I opened Lauren Trainer's gift.

I love how she took out 3 pens out just to make it 21 ;)

She knows me too well, I really love colored pens.

At 6:21 I opened Chelsea's gift.

21 pictures! In chronological order from freshmen year until now :) 

At 7:21 I opened my last gift which was from Kristin. 

I do love popcorn. 

Thank you Lauren T, Chelsea, Lauren B, Sam, Taylor, Cassie, Amber, Kristin and Hilary. This was definitely one of the greatest gifts I have ever gotten and I am so grateful for each of you!

I have fun friends. They are very special and I love them.

Melanie 

Numb

Whipping out her journal, struggling to find the words to say.

Praying she will be heard.

Praying she will feel. 

Praying for any sign that everything will be okay.

No answer. Just silence

She feels alone, does anyone else struggle with this?
Does anyone else feel numb?
Can anyone else not feel?

She feels it's a curse, she feels she can't move forward.
She fears she can't love.

She takes time to herself.
Time to heal
Time to feel
Time to hear

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent
Exodus 14:14

She is silent. 

She takes a drive with her best friend.
"Are you going to talk to me" Asks her friend
The tears come.
She doesn't know what's wrong. She hasn't known for weeks.
She can't explain it.
They pull into where they are supposed to meet people.
"You don't have to do this" Says her friend.
They get out of the car and walk into the meeting place.

It's empty.

They went to the wrong place.

Her heart feels free.

She spends the evening with her best friend walking around the mall.
Eating frozen yogurt with as many toppings as she desires.
Looking at expensive prom dresses and reliving her senior prom.
Petting puppies in a small store in the corner of the mall.
Getting kicked out of the mall- what mall closes at 9pm?
Falling down snow mounds because they can't find the car.
Falling down running to the car because they are laughing too hard.
Sitting in Mcdonald's with two dollar sevens for an hour.
Finally feeling joy and freedom.

The love of a friend.
She's healing.

Can you relate? Do you ever find yourself wishing you were anyone but yourself?
Struggling to feel, struggling to hear truth, and struggling with doubt?
Doubt is powerful, an enemy, a curse of sin.
I find peace knowing it's not supposed to be this way. Peace in the comfort of a good friend.
Peace in a Savior who died for me.
Peace that one day my emotions will be clear and my heart will be whole.

You're different.
That's okay.
I am too.

Relationships

Recently God has been teaching me a lot about relationships and community and what it looks like to live and relate to 26 girls.

It is difficult. 

But i've learned that when the walls start coming down, true friendships are formed.
When we are at our weakest, He is our strongest.

Friends are supposed to be encouraging, loving, and ultimately, they should make us want to become more like Christ.

When they see me, do they see You?

But these friendships are rare and they take effort.
Sometimes they are messy because we are broken.
Sometimes it takes more then a human to put the pieces back together.
And some of us have been wounded so badly, we are scared to make those heart connections.
What do we do then? Where do we turn when our wall is up so high we can't seem to take it down?

I ask myself that question a lot. How do I remove this wall?
I don't actually have the answer because I don't believe I have gotten to that point yet.
But I do know that point comes with trust.
It comes with being vulnerable and opening your heart, just once, for something good.

Not everyone is going to hurt you

Maybe you need to let go of a friendship and you are praying for direction.
Maybe you need to trust God to provide friendship.
Or maybe you need to take that 10 ft wall down and let someone in.

"You're going to have to let truth scream louder into our souls then the lies that have infected us"

God speaks, even in our darkest moments.

Listen. 

The day after Christmas

The day after Christmas, a time when everything returns to normal.

Life settles down, people's bank accounts are drained and this name "Jesus" is forgotten.

Who is Jesus? And why do we only recognize Him at Christmas time?

We see signs telling us He is the "Reason for the Season", but what about all the other seasons? Isn't He always the reason?

Why yes, He's the entire reason we can be saved. Saved from this world, from this pain, from this evil.
Christmas gives me a sense of hope and a peace knowing that everything will be okay, almost like a glimpse of heaven.

People seem happier, merrier, and more loving.

Customer service is fantastic and even random strangers ask to carry your bags to your car.

Sometimes I wish this world wasn't fallen and I wish emotions weren't so confusing and pain wasn't so real and families weren't so broken and jealousy wasn't so evident. But then I remember that Jesus is with me through every season and He isn't more evident at Christmas time, He is just recognized as He should be.

That baby, that lay in that manger 2000 years ago grew up and died for us.
An innocent man, hung on a cross, for you and me.
That is a reason to praise Him through every season.

I remember the promise made from the very beginning,

"I will put enmity between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
    and you shall bruise his heel.”

                Genesis 3:15

and I cannot wait.

Christmas is a glimpse of what is coming.

Come soon Jesus.

Melanie

Timing

I was sitting in my math class, entirely frustrated and wanting to pull my hair out because I didn't understand a word that was coming out of my professors mouth. Looking around I realized I wasn't the only one giving the professor that blank "I don't understand anything that you are saying" look. You know the look i'm talking about, the one where you feel like your professor is highly too intelligent to ever simplify the information enough for an undergraduate bachelors seeking student to understand. Yeah, that look.
I decided to just write down everything I possibly could and hope to "magically" understand it later that evening.
Well, that "magic moment" didn't come.
I sat and tried to understand the information for several hours and ended up more frustrated and slightly more confused. I decided to just go to bed instead of racking my brain for knowledge that I knew wasn't there.
I woke up the next morning and realized I had a quiz that day on the information that I was clueless on. So I decided to get some help before my class from my professor.
I left her office still confused, prepared to fail the quiz and feeling really discouraged.
I got to class and everyone around me was freaking out about the quiz as well, considering we all had no idea what was going on.
She hands out the quizzes and all of a sudden the information clicked. I understood exactly what I needed to do and I could easily see how to solve the problem. I began writing as quickly as I could and when she called "times up" I had just finished.
We handed in our papers and she told us the answer we should of come up with...I was correct!
I cannot explain to you how all of a sudden all the information clicked in my head, but it did.

When I told this story to my friend Lauren, she immediately looked at me and said "God".
And that's just it. I honestly believe this was in His timing.
After I processed internally what had just happened, I was able to see how sufficient the Lord's timing truly was.
Most of the time I desire things to happen in my time because I can be a little impatient and I hate the unknown. But the Lord never promises to give us everything we desire right at the moment we desire it. However, He does teach us that His plans are far better then our own and that is why the Old Testament writer in Proverbs 3:5&6 tells us,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths"

I need to trust in the Lord with all of my heart and know that His plan for me is far better then any plan I could write for myself. 

He knows the desires of my heart and listens when I cry out to Him. But He also is the writer of my future and knows my story from beginning to end. I find great comfort knowing and trusting the author of my life. 

The Lord is teaching me patience. He's teaching me that timing is everything. 

And most importantly, He is teaching me that His timing is sufficient and better then my own. 

I am amazed at the Lord's timing. I can see Him even in small things, like my math quiz. 

I am continually reminded of his faithfulness and His promises.

Melanie

My Princess

My sister recently received a book titled His Princess from a friend.
She let me read the first page...it brought tears to my eyes.

"I chose you before the foundation of the earth to be My princess. You are royalty even when you don't feel like a princess. I will wait for you until you are ready to start living the amazing plans I have for you. I know you don't know where to begin or how to become what I've called you to be, so let Me teach you day by day. Start by recognizing who I am: King of kings and Lord of lords. The Lover of your soul. When the two of us meet alone together every day, I will show you how to let go of the things in your life that are holding you back from the blessings I want to give you.
Remember, My child, just as I have chosen you, I have given you a choice to represent Me to the world. If you are willing, I am here to give you all you need to complete your calling"
Love,
You King and Lord who chose you

A peace settled over my heart after reading this letter.
A peace I haven't felt in ages.
Let me let go of the things in my life holding me back from You.

Melanie

Patience

In the past month, God has been teaching me things I never thought I needed to learn, things that I hadn't even thought of before He placed them on my heart. 
When I openly asked God to teach me this month...boy did He answer my prayer.


In my New Testament class, my professor gave us a list of key chapters to study, memorize and recite on a quiz. I now know that Galatians 5 is fruits of the spirit. John 10 is Jesus as the Shepard. Romans 13 is obedience to the government. 2 Thessalonians 2 is the antichrist. 
1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter. We all know that, don't we?


 "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"
1 Corinthians 13:4-7


I have heard these verses spoken at weddings, I have seen them printed on anniversary cards, I have been taught them in sunday school, I have highlighted them in my own Bible. 
But God has been teaching me exactly what they mean.


Love is patient. Alright, patience. Seems easy enough.
Well, not exactly. I'm not always the most patient person on this planet. I would rather know now then later. Wouldn't we all? 


The neat thing about God is how patient He is with me even though my heart fails Him every day. 


"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"
Psalm 73:26


If God is patient with me, why should I deny that patience to someone else? 
After all, God is love and we can only love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) 


When I read 1 Corinthians 13, I begin to see that this theme of "love" that I had to memorize for a quiz goes much deeper than human love. 
God's love is a gift to humanity and we ought to see it as just that, a gift. 
I'm continually amazed that the only reason I can love is because He first loved me. 


I'm thankful for His patience with me and His kindness.


Love is patient.


Melanie

Romans 1:12

"that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine"


I've been reading through the book of Romans and this verse really stood out to me. Paul's desire to be mutually encouraged by other believers is inspiring. I never realized how great of a blessing other believers are in my walk with Christ. 
The knowledge of those wiser then me, the zeal of a new believer, the vulnerability of a close friend, the questions of a seeker. 
We have all been the seeker, the zealous new believer, the vulnerable close friend and some of use are already pouring out wisdom to other believers. 


God designed us to be in relationship with each other. To pour into the new believer, to help the seeker find answers, to be the vulnerable friend and to seek wisdom.


Being at a school with other believers I forget the power a new believer has on my heart. I forget what it's like to be so on fire for Christ and to excitedly search the scriptures, truly wanting to know more. 


Paul says in Romans 12:11 "Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit" 


If you're anything like me, those words are a little confusing, so I looked a few of them up, I translated it like this, "Do not be lazy in enthusiasm, be passionate in spirit".


A friend told me recently, "Remember, in everything, we can find Christ" 


Where ever you are at, Christ will meet you there. 
He is all and He is in all. Colossians 3:11


Melanie

Being two places at once

Whenever I get home from school it's a flood of emotions. Don't get me wrong, I am so so so happy to be home with my sister and my mom, I love them dearly, but I cannot help but feel like something is missing.

My emotions range from happiness one moment to sadness the next. Really, I'm an emotional wreck for the first week.

I've processed through why I am feeling what I am feeling and I came to a few conclusions.

1. Trying to make two places home is hard work

I chose to go away to school, I desired to move out, live on my own, and experience college. I wanted the community of a dorm, I wanted the freedom that college brought and I wanted the independence. That being said, two weeks before I moved away, my childhood house was sold and we were moving to a new town. It was a lot to take in. Not only was I moving away, but when I returned for breaks, it would be in a brand new house, a new neighborhood, and neighbors who I didn't know. It was hard.
I was battling to make Cedarville my home at the same time I was trying to make Toledo my home.
I did not think it was possible to have my heart in two places at once.

2. Community is everything to me.

Wherever I find myself, now or in the future, I know that this statement is true. Community is something I love, something I value, something I cherish. During high school I had a great community and great friends but I knew this was going to come to an end when I moved away. I knew I was going to have to start over and that terrified me. My first year of college, I found 4 best friends. I found my community. We could not be more different, but I love them the same.

Hilary, my spunky roommate and accountability partner. She is so special to me. We have had two years together and we are fully prepared for our third year as roommates. I've learned to appreciate her and value the time I have with her because it is rare, but all the more special. We could not be more opposite, but our strengths are enhanced through each other. I thank God for "randomly" giving me a life long friend.

Lauren, my understandable and loving friend. She shows me grace everyday and I am thankful for that. She teaches me through her innocence and loves me despite my OCDness. She makes me laugh until I cannot breathe and I love it. I thank our RA's for setting up a freshmen dinner that first week otherwise we would not of met. God knew what He was doing :)

Chelsea, my adventurous and free spirited friend. She shows me what it means to love those in need. Never have I met someone more willing to leave something so familiar and so comfortable to serve in an uncomfortable and dangerous area. I admire that. I desire that kind of faith. Chelsea, you teach me the power of love and I thank God for you.

Victoria, my polar opposite friend. Let's face it, we could not be more different and I love it. I love it because I know this friendship is not one I chose, but one He chose. Regardless of where we are at, how many miles separate us, you are still one of my best friends. Your heart is incredible. You give when you have nothing and you love unconditionally. God has shown me how to love others through you.

In Toledo, my community changes. I still have my friends from school, but in a different way. We connect via text, phone, skype and the occasional visits.

My sister will always be my best friend, my community in both places. 

Sister, my beautiful, strong, and loving friend. You teach me to dream and to be free. You teach me to learn exactly what it means to be me and to embrace who I am. We are silly, yet serious, we laugh and cry and I wouldn't change one thing about you. You are you and because of this you bless me and countless others. I thank God for giving me not only the best big sister, but also the greatest and most loyal best friend.

3. I am learning my purpose at school and at home...they look very different.

At school I am an RA, a student, a friend and an employee. I have a purpose and I love it. I feel like I am where I belong and I trust the One who placed me there.
At home, my purpose changes. I am not an RA and I am not a student. Sometimes, I feel like I don't have a purpose and that is hard.
I remember my sister telling me something over Christmas break and it has stuck with me ever since. She told me that just because I don't have the same purpose I have at school doesn't mean I do not have a purpose at home. Maybe my purpose at home is to grow, read, write, relax and do things that I enjoy because when the semester starts, these things are harder to do.
Words of wisdom right there sister, thank you :)

I know that a lot of college students who move away wrestle with this and I want to challenge you, just because you feel like you do not have a purpose now that you are home, does not mean that you don't.
Solomon said it best in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace"

Your purpose looks different then mine, but you do have one at home...find it.

Melanie 

      

This got me thinking.
Thought I would pass it on.
Enjoy :)

"I know that he married a pridefully independent woman that could potentially ruin him, yet he loves her the same"
http://juliannamorlet.blogspot.com/2010/06/its-been-good-year.html

Bitterness

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger"
Ephesians 4:26


This verse hasn't always settled with me well. I am an internal, therefore sometimes I need to go to bed angry in order to finish processing why I am angry, don't I? 
Well, no.
I don't believe God gave us this command in Ephesians just to be overlooked.
If it was something humans naturally did, would God need to command this of us?
No again.
I've discovered when I go to bed angry, bitterness begins to seep into my heart and then that bitterness begins to grow.
I know what bitterness feels like. I've battled it all my life. I've let bitterness seep into my heart and have control over me. And quite frankly, I don't want it controlling me anymore.
Obviously God understands the destroying ability bitterness has on human hearts therefore he commands us to not let the sun go down with our anger.
All of a sudden, this passage isn't quite so unsettling. 
It all makes sense.
Yes anger is real, yes I do get angry, but I don't have to let it control me.
I need to control my anger, not let my anger control me.


Melanie