21st birthday surprise!

Let me start by saying, I am not a morning person and this morning I snoozed for a little longer then I should have so I was in a hurry.

I got up and it was pitch black but in the corner by my dresser I saw a dark shadow and I thought I forgot to move my suitcase or Hilary set her back pack there. When I walked over I saw this...

I smiled and grabbed my shower stuff and opened my door.

21 balloons fell in my face and on the ground into my room, I laughed. Thanks Taylor :)

I was barricaded in my room by a few trash bags taped to the outside of my door. 

I carefully pulled the bags off my door and headed to the shower, little did I know, Chelsea was watching me the entire time.

This was taped to the door.

When I got back I turned on the light and started to look at everything by my dresser. 

I found 21 cans of diet coke (Amber knows me too well)

I also found 21 flowers from Lauren Benjamin :) 

Then I found instructions on each one of the gifts.

At 10:21, I opened Hilary's gift. 

21 bags of pretzel M&M's. My favorite candy!

At 11:21 I opened my gift from Sam.

21 My Little Pony stickers to use in my classroom, but only for the annoying boys ;)

At 3:21 I opened Cassie's gift.

21 socks! So yes, I have ten and a half pairs of socks...

AT 4:21 I opened Lauren Trainer's gift.

I love how she took out 3 pens out just to make it 21 ;)

She knows me too well, I really love colored pens.

At 6:21 I opened Chelsea's gift.

21 pictures! In chronological order from freshmen year until now :) 

At 7:21 I opened my last gift which was from Kristin. 

I do love popcorn. 

Thank you Lauren T, Chelsea, Lauren B, Sam, Taylor, Cassie, Amber, Kristin and Hilary. This was definitely one of the greatest gifts I have ever gotten and I am so grateful for each of you!

I have fun friends. They are very special and I love them.

Melanie 

Numb

Whipping out her journal, struggling to find the words to say.

Praying she will be heard.

Praying she will feel. 

Praying for any sign that everything will be okay.

No answer. Just silence

She feels alone, does anyone else struggle with this?
Does anyone else feel numb?
Can anyone else not feel?

She feels it's a curse, she feels she can't move forward.
She fears she can't love.

She takes time to herself.
Time to heal
Time to feel
Time to hear

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent
Exodus 14:14

She is silent. 

She takes a drive with her best friend.
"Are you going to talk to me" Asks her friend
The tears come.
She doesn't know what's wrong. She hasn't known for weeks.
She can't explain it.
They pull into where they are supposed to meet people.
"You don't have to do this" Says her friend.
They get out of the car and walk into the meeting place.

It's empty.

They went to the wrong place.

Her heart feels free.

She spends the evening with her best friend walking around the mall.
Eating frozen yogurt with as many toppings as she desires.
Looking at expensive prom dresses and reliving her senior prom.
Petting puppies in a small store in the corner of the mall.
Getting kicked out of the mall- what mall closes at 9pm?
Falling down snow mounds because they can't find the car.
Falling down running to the car because they are laughing too hard.
Sitting in Mcdonald's with two dollar sevens for an hour.
Finally feeling joy and freedom.

The love of a friend.
She's healing.

Can you relate? Do you ever find yourself wishing you were anyone but yourself?
Struggling to feel, struggling to hear truth, and struggling with doubt?
Doubt is powerful, an enemy, a curse of sin.
I find peace knowing it's not supposed to be this way. Peace in the comfort of a good friend.
Peace in a Savior who died for me.
Peace that one day my emotions will be clear and my heart will be whole.

You're different.
That's okay.
I am too.

Relationships

Recently God has been teaching me a lot about relationships and community and what it looks like to live and relate to 26 girls.

It is difficult. 

But i've learned that when the walls start coming down, true friendships are formed.
When we are at our weakest, He is our strongest.

Friends are supposed to be encouraging, loving, and ultimately, they should make us want to become more like Christ.

When they see me, do they see You?

But these friendships are rare and they take effort.
Sometimes they are messy because we are broken.
Sometimes it takes more then a human to put the pieces back together.
And some of us have been wounded so badly, we are scared to make those heart connections.
What do we do then? Where do we turn when our wall is up so high we can't seem to take it down?

I ask myself that question a lot. How do I remove this wall?
I don't actually have the answer because I don't believe I have gotten to that point yet.
But I do know that point comes with trust.
It comes with being vulnerable and opening your heart, just once, for something good.

Not everyone is going to hurt you

Maybe you need to let go of a friendship and you are praying for direction.
Maybe you need to trust God to provide friendship.
Or maybe you need to take that 10 ft wall down and let someone in.

"You're going to have to let truth scream louder into our souls then the lies that have infected us"

God speaks, even in our darkest moments.

Listen. 

The day after Christmas

The day after Christmas, a time when everything returns to normal.

Life settles down, people's bank accounts are drained and this name "Jesus" is forgotten.

Who is Jesus? And why do we only recognize Him at Christmas time?

We see signs telling us He is the "Reason for the Season", but what about all the other seasons? Isn't He always the reason?

Why yes, He's the entire reason we can be saved. Saved from this world, from this pain, from this evil.
Christmas gives me a sense of hope and a peace knowing that everything will be okay, almost like a glimpse of heaven.

People seem happier, merrier, and more loving.

Customer service is fantastic and even random strangers ask to carry your bags to your car.

Sometimes I wish this world wasn't fallen and I wish emotions weren't so confusing and pain wasn't so real and families weren't so broken and jealousy wasn't so evident. But then I remember that Jesus is with me through every season and He isn't more evident at Christmas time, He is just recognized as He should be.

That baby, that lay in that manger 2000 years ago grew up and died for us.
An innocent man, hung on a cross, for you and me.
That is a reason to praise Him through every season.

I remember the promise made from the very beginning,

"I will put enmity between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
    and you shall bruise his heel.”

                Genesis 3:15

and I cannot wait.

Christmas is a glimpse of what is coming.

Come soon Jesus.

Melanie

Timing

I was sitting in my math class, entirely frustrated and wanting to pull my hair out because I didn't understand a word that was coming out of my professors mouth. Looking around I realized I wasn't the only one giving the professor that blank "I don't understand anything that you are saying" look. You know the look i'm talking about, the one where you feel like your professor is highly too intelligent to ever simplify the information enough for an undergraduate bachelors seeking student to understand. Yeah, that look.
I decided to just write down everything I possibly could and hope to "magically" understand it later that evening.
Well, that "magic moment" didn't come.
I sat and tried to understand the information for several hours and ended up more frustrated and slightly more confused. I decided to just go to bed instead of racking my brain for knowledge that I knew wasn't there.
I woke up the next morning and realized I had a quiz that day on the information that I was clueless on. So I decided to get some help before my class from my professor.
I left her office still confused, prepared to fail the quiz and feeling really discouraged.
I got to class and everyone around me was freaking out about the quiz as well, considering we all had no idea what was going on.
She hands out the quizzes and all of a sudden the information clicked. I understood exactly what I needed to do and I could easily see how to solve the problem. I began writing as quickly as I could and when she called "times up" I had just finished.
We handed in our papers and she told us the answer we should of come up with...I was correct!
I cannot explain to you how all of a sudden all the information clicked in my head, but it did.

When I told this story to my friend Lauren, she immediately looked at me and said "God".
And that's just it. I honestly believe this was in His timing.
After I processed internally what had just happened, I was able to see how sufficient the Lord's timing truly was.
Most of the time I desire things to happen in my time because I can be a little impatient and I hate the unknown. But the Lord never promises to give us everything we desire right at the moment we desire it. However, He does teach us that His plans are far better then our own and that is why the Old Testament writer in Proverbs 3:5&6 tells us,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths"

I need to trust in the Lord with all of my heart and know that His plan for me is far better then any plan I could write for myself. 

He knows the desires of my heart and listens when I cry out to Him. But He also is the writer of my future and knows my story from beginning to end. I find great comfort knowing and trusting the author of my life. 

The Lord is teaching me patience. He's teaching me that timing is everything. 

And most importantly, He is teaching me that His timing is sufficient and better then my own. 

I am amazed at the Lord's timing. I can see Him even in small things, like my math quiz. 

I am continually reminded of his faithfulness and His promises.

Melanie

My Princess

My sister recently received a book titled His Princess from a friend.
She let me read the first page...it brought tears to my eyes.

"I chose you before the foundation of the earth to be My princess. You are royalty even when you don't feel like a princess. I will wait for you until you are ready to start living the amazing plans I have for you. I know you don't know where to begin or how to become what I've called you to be, so let Me teach you day by day. Start by recognizing who I am: King of kings and Lord of lords. The Lover of your soul. When the two of us meet alone together every day, I will show you how to let go of the things in your life that are holding you back from the blessings I want to give you.
Remember, My child, just as I have chosen you, I have given you a choice to represent Me to the world. If you are willing, I am here to give you all you need to complete your calling"
Love,
You King and Lord who chose you

A peace settled over my heart after reading this letter.
A peace I haven't felt in ages.
Let me let go of the things in my life holding me back from You.

Melanie

Patience

In the past month, God has been teaching me things I never thought I needed to learn, things that I hadn't even thought of before He placed them on my heart. 
When I openly asked God to teach me this month...boy did He answer my prayer.


In my New Testament class, my professor gave us a list of key chapters to study, memorize and recite on a quiz. I now know that Galatians 5 is fruits of the spirit. John 10 is Jesus as the Shepard. Romans 13 is obedience to the government. 2 Thessalonians 2 is the antichrist. 
1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter. We all know that, don't we?


 "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"
1 Corinthians 13:4-7


I have heard these verses spoken at weddings, I have seen them printed on anniversary cards, I have been taught them in sunday school, I have highlighted them in my own Bible. 
But God has been teaching me exactly what they mean.


Love is patient. Alright, patience. Seems easy enough.
Well, not exactly. I'm not always the most patient person on this planet. I would rather know now then later. Wouldn't we all? 


The neat thing about God is how patient He is with me even though my heart fails Him every day. 


"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"
Psalm 73:26


If God is patient with me, why should I deny that patience to someone else? 
After all, God is love and we can only love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) 


When I read 1 Corinthians 13, I begin to see that this theme of "love" that I had to memorize for a quiz goes much deeper than human love. 
God's love is a gift to humanity and we ought to see it as just that, a gift. 
I'm continually amazed that the only reason I can love is because He first loved me. 


I'm thankful for His patience with me and His kindness.


Love is patient.


Melanie