Share your story

I am in the middle of two books. Two very different books.
I am reading The Reason for God by Timothy Keller and Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey.
While you might find the title of the second book a little strange, that's okay, I did too.
I picked it up out of curiosity.

Recently, I have been on a quest to redefine Christianity.
At least, redefine it in my own heart.

I'm fascinated by people stories.
What they have been through.
What they have overcome.
How they met Jesus.
Basically, their story of grace.

I am constantly reading blog posts and constantly trying to identify with someone.
But i've come to discover that my story and someone else's story will never look the same.
Sure, we have one thing in common, Jesus, but how I met Jesus and my encounter with Him, will never be the same as someone else's.
And I think that is how it was intended.

Whether I am a complementarian or an egalitarian, a calvinist or an arminian, whether I believe in predestination or free will, whether I am pre-tribulation or post-tribulation, a baptist or a presbyterian, doesn't matter.
What matters is my personal relationship with Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit inside my heart.

I picked up a copy of Jesus Feminist completely out of curiosity, but what I've discovered by reading her book is that Sarah Bessey loves Jesus and has a heart for the Lord.
She is passionately seeking His will the only way she knows how.
She is fighting for what she believes is right and for that, I respect her.
I understand the entire reason behind her book because I understand her story.

People do not make sense without their stories.

So share yours.
With your best friend, with a person you met a month ago, with the random man you met in Walmart.
You never know how much your story can bless someone else or how much freedom can come from leaning into the pain.


Melanie

A beautiful mess

As I was driving back to school tonight for my last semester at Cedarville, my head was spinning with thoughts of fall semester, fears of spring semester, and hopes for my future. 

People keep asking me "You have one semester left! That's crazy! Are you ready?!"

I have spent three and a half years at Cedarville University. 
I have met and formed relationships that I will have for the rest of my life.
I have learned how to become a teacher.
I have learned that I do not want to be a teacher.
I have learned how to fall more in love with Jesus.
I have discovered my passion.
I have been mentored and poured into by several women I trust and respect.
I have said many goodbyes but also several hellos.
And that is just to name a few.

The Lord has used my job as a resident assistant to teach me and bless me.
He has shown me my passion and my heart for mentoring and discipling. 
I have learned that I do love to teach, just not formally. 

Three years ago, I thought I would get to January and be more than excited to student teach but quite frankly, I do not want to do it. 
I love my students and I love when I teach a lesson and can see the light bulb moment happen but I hate the entire process that it takes to be a teacher.
The Lord has really shown me through my job as a RA that I want to pursue ministry.
I have submitted my application to Dallas Theological Seminary to pursue my Masters in Christian Leadership and I have also applied to be a Resident Director at Emmanuel College in Georgia.

While my heart has many dreams, my head is very rational.
I'm learning (slowly) that it's okay to dream and pursue the desires of my heart.
After all, The Lord is the one who gave me my passions and my gifts and I want to honor and glorify Him with them. 

I am in a season of unknown. If you know me, these are the seasons that I dread the most.

So, for everyone asking me the question "Are you ready?!"
Yes, I am ready, but I am terrified.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase"
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Countercultural Christianity

Have you ever felt like American Christianity was wrong, unsettling, moralizing, or fake?

That we are trying to create a culture that is simply legalistic and moral instead of loving and full of grace?

Did you know that we were given the name "Christian" as an insult?
"Oh, they are just being 'little Christ's'"
Hence the word Christian, "Christ like"
If that's an insult, bring it on.

Am I truly a Christian?
Am I truly Christ like?

The definition in and of itself is convicting.
Our entire existence on this planet revolves around bringing Him glory.
Do I do that?

Am I so wrapped up in tradition, or theology or school or relationships that I forget the simple definition of my religion?

I am to be like Christ.

I was journaling last night and God layed 1 Corinthians 13 on my heart as He often does to teach me more about His love.

Paul is writing this passage about the attribute of love.
God simply loves because that is His nature. He doesn't have to try, that's the essence of who He is.
He is love.
Everything written in that chapter is so countercultural to society.
I am not patient, nor am I always kind.
I insist on my own way.
I keep a tally of how many times someone hurts me.
I boast.
I idolize.
And I fail to love.
But He doesn't

And we will never comprehend what that looks like entirely.
But when we see a father holding his daughters hand, or a husband serving his wife, or a friend buying a homeless man a coke, we get a glimpse of Gods love.
And I smile because we also get a glimpse of heaven.

To be Christ like is to be countercultural.

I would rather be deemed crazy by society than to be seen as normal by God.

So here's to discovering what it means to be a Christian.
What is truly means to be a "little Christ"

Melanie

I need Jesus

"My heart will sing, no other name, Jesus"

I love that song and I love looking around and seeing other people singing their hearts out.

But this Monday was a little different.

I couldn't sing those words.

I tried, but I felt too convicted.

I sat down during that song and started to write.

I wrote exactly what I was feeling.

"Lord, I can't sing these words because they aren't true"

That was hard to admit.

In that moment, I realized how many things in my life I put before Jesus and I realized just how many other names my heart sings.
People, things, plans, ideas, all idols.

How many times a week do I have to remind myself to spend time with Him?

Too many.

How many times a week do I have to remember to give something to Him and not take it back?

Every day.

How many times a day do I have to remind myself that my future is not my own, it's His? 

Every minute. 

The really great thing about conviction and realizing how stupid I am as a human being is grace.

And when I have trouble remembering what grace feels like I think back to that moment on the monkey bars in Silver Lake, Michigan 7 years ago.

Grace feels like forgiveness.
Grace feels like I don't have to do life alone.
Grace feels like I am loved.
Grace feels like peace.

My heart may sing other names at times because I suck.
But because I suck, Christ died for me and I am forgiven.
And I will try my best to let my heart sing Your name.
But until I get it 100% right, I will continue to ask for forgiveness.

Melanie

Through the eyes of a child

Every summer I have the privilege of watching these two goofs

and we have so much fun whatever we do. Clearly, they were destined to be models.

This weekend I agreed to help out while they had wedding festivities to attend to and so I was there on a Saturday night which is not normal for me.
Julia and I had just gotten back from a bike ride and a mom and two kids came walking by and asked to pet Bentley and we agreed because he was the happiest pup alive to see a new face.
I started talking to the mom and it turns out she is the stepmom of the new boy in the neighborhood that Tanner has befriended.
We talked for a while and I knew the question she wanted to ask me...it happens often.
Finally she asks me how i've managed to look so good for having a 12 year old son.
I told her, well he's not mine, I am only 21 and then we both laughed and she apologized for assuming.
It was starting to get dark, so we said our goodbyes and went inside.
Julia walks in and sits down and asks me what it means to have a stepmom.
I hold my breath when she asks questions like this.
I told her it's when a mom and a dad decide to not be married anymore, they get a divorce and then if the daddy marries again then the kids have a stepmom.
She then remembers that my parents are divorced and she asks if I have a stepmom.
I told her I do.
She then asks me if that makes me sad.
I told her no, I am not sad anymore.
She said she feels sad for me.
Then she asks me if that would ever happen to her mom and dad.
I told her it would not because her mom and dad love each other very much and they are very different from my parents.
She seemed to find comfort in that and told me she was sorry for me and that she loved me.

It took me a while to recover from this conversation because it was a sad moment for me.
Julia realized for one moment the world she pictures in her head isn't actually reality and for a small second she grew up faster then she should.
Things aren't always as simple and innocent as she thinks.

She teaches me. Her innocence, her spunk, her beauty, her kindness, and her beautiful heart.

When you look at life through the eyes of an 8 year old, you realize just how beautiful and innocent the world truly is and I want her to hold onto that beauty and innocence.

An unexpected blessing

Did you know that 26 eleven year olds could teach you so much?

I didn't.

Did I think that my sassiest little girl would end up being my favorite?

Nope.

Did I think that my most defiant and snarky boy would respect me?

Never.

Did I think I would love teaching reading?

Absolutely not.

But all of these things came true.

Story 1:
I walked in on my first day and saw a little blonde fashion diva sitting in the corner with this sassy look on her face refusing to respond to anything my teacher was saying. I knew I had my work cut out for me with that one. The look she was giving my teacher was the exact look I gave my mom 10 years ago (sorry mom). I tried not to judge her from day one but that was rather difficult to do. She was a stinker (to put it nicely).
The next day, it was my turn to teach. She was challenging me with her faces and lack of participation. I asked a question and the same 5 students raised their hands...I waited (wait times important) and still no other takers so I called on one of those five afraid to look stupid. I asked another question, again, the same 5 hands. I asked for other volunteers. Her hand sheepishly went up.
She answered.
She was correct.
She smiled.
The next day she came in, put her stuff down, looked at the board, followed the directions and even collected the books at the end of the period.
The following day, she came in and instead of going straight to her seat, she came over to tell me a story.
I smiled.
Over the next few weeks, I made it a point to talk to her before and after class.
On Wednesday she came up to me and said "Good morning Miss McCallister, did you know it's national Vans day?"
I looked down at her hot pink pair of Vans and shook my head no.
I didn't even know there was such a day.
Turns out, her and I have a lot in common at age 11.
Who knew she would end up being one of my favorites?

Story 2:
There's always that one student that never turns anything in on time and if they do turn things in on time, it's never completed. The work is always rushed and poorly done because the goal is to just finish it, not to learn.
I remember doing similar things in reading class.
One day I decided to try small group reading and while I met with the different groups, the other students were supposed to be working on their Camp Green Lake brochures.
This process took two days which meant they had two days to complete this project in class.
I gave them a rubric to follow as well as an example I had done.
When it came time for them to be due, I was missing one.
Of course.
The next day I asked this student if he had his brochure.
He said no...
Points were deducted.
The following day I asked him if he had his brochure.
This time he said he just forgot it at home.
More points were deducted.
Three days later, he walks into class announcing "I HAVE MY BROCHURE"
Thank you for making that public announcement.
I take it from him, grade it.
He fails the assignment.
This is a repeated pattern.
Finally, one day, I walked over to him because he was not on task and I told him if he did not complete what he was working on in class it was for homework.
He nodded.
I asked him if he wrote it down in his agenda.
He shook his head no.
I told him to write it down.
He wrote it.
The next day he came into class announcing "MISS MCCALLISTER I DID MY HOMEWORK!"
Again, thank you for that making sure the entire middle school heard you.
He hasn't turned in one late assignment to me since.
I talk to him before class about what he's reading and he tells me in detail the entire story.
He raises his hand when I ask questions.
He smiles at me when I look at him instead of giving me the death glare (that's a plus).
He even offers to help me collect the books and pick up the classroom.
Who knew one conversation could cause such a behavior change?

Story 3:
I'm a math person.
I always have been.
My brain is very linear and I have never been very good at thinking abstractly.
I knew this field experience was going to be a challenge because I did not feel competent in the subject.
Want to know something funny?
My supervisor gave me the highest score on content knowledge. She says I know my stuff.
I laughed a little.
I definitely don't feel like I do.
At least she was encouraging.
I discovered I would love to teach reading. Not grammar, not language arts, just reading.
I love to incorporate creativity, drawing, games, writing, and laughter into my lessons.
The laughter is usually due to my mistakes but at least we can all laugh about it together.
You have to learn to laugh at yourself.
Like on Tuesday, we were completing an ABC character analysis for the main character in Holes.
We got to the letter J and I was drawing a blank so I asked the students if they had any ideas.
A student raised his hand and said juvenile.
Great.
How do you spell that? 
I've learned that i'm a horrible speller, well I've known that, but it's tripled when you're facing 26 students and they expect you to know everything.
My mind went completely blank.
So I smiled and said "that's a great word to describe him, can you spell that for me?"
Phew, great cover up, two lessons in one, character description and spelling.
My supervisor enjoyed that story in my reflection after the lesson.

This week has just confirmed that this is what I want to be doing with my life.
I teach because I love the students and I care about their learning.
I teach because they make me smile and laugh every single day.
I teach because if I can show them Christ's love then that's the greatest lesson I can teach them.

I'm going to miss these 26 silly sixth graders.

Melanie

Miss McCallister

About two weeks ago I started teaching reading at Rockway Middle School.

I have 26 sixth graders.

I love it!

But it didn't start out that way.

I went into this semester hesitant with my major and wondering if I actually wanted to teach.
I have many dreams and I feared my major would not take me where I want to go.
I began questioning if I should change my major or just graduate
You only have one more year.

I prayed a lot about it and everyone told me to just hold on.

So I held on.

Yesterday, after being back with my students from spring break, I felt content.
I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be and I was excited.

We are reading the book Holes.
And I am having so much fun with it.

Today, I asked them to journal about a quote that one of the counselors says to Stanley (the main character).
Mr. Pendanski says "you may have done some bad things, but that doesn't mean you're a bad kid"
I asked them to explain if they agreed or disagreed with this statement.

I never expected the responses I got.

Their writing screams redemption.
It's beautiful.

Here's some examples:

        "There are ups and downs to life"

        "No one can be exactly perfect"

        "Say your sorry and forgive"

        "Everyone has done something bad in their lifetime"

        "Everybody screws up in life, nobody's perfect"

And my favorite, I jumped when I read this one:

        "Jesus is always willing to welcome you back as one of his children"

You can bet I put a smiley next to that sentence!

I also gave everyone a check plus when I graded these. I was so pumped that some of them GET IT!

I'm learning that it's not about being good at the subject you are teaching it's about knowing how to teach and being good at teaching.

It was a happy day :)

Melanie