For when I am weak, then I am strong

Coming back to Cedarville after a wonderful break with my family was bittersweet.
I was excited to see my friends and have life return to normal, but my heart was torn because I felt something missing.
My desire was to be back in Florida with my siblings, I desperately wanted to fast forward the clock, graduate, get a teaching job at a middle school near my family and start my life, close to them.

I was hurting because I know Cedarville is what God has planned for me but sometimes it's hard not to dream.

This past week, the weather has been beautiful. High of 80's and sunny. When I walked to class last week, I could not help but smile.

"And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God"
Romans 8:27

Thank you Lord for a little piece of Florida.

My younger brother Benjamin has been calling or texting me almost daily from my dads phone.
I love to hear his sweet little voice and listen to him tell me about his day. He's so intuitive, asking me questions about my day and really wanting to know me as his sister.
Being able to answer the questions he has about God, science, theology, college, grades, math, the Bible, and life really blesses me. I valued my time with him in Florida and I valued being able to share what I do know in order to teach him.
From dance parties, to doodle jump, to swimming, to throwing the football, to late night card games, to long discussions about life, my time in Florida was one I will not forget.
Ben really blesses me, in ways I cannot explain and even though I desire to be with him, and my other siblings, God has shown me my purpose is here...for now.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong" 
2 Corinthians 12:8&10

A new desire

This morning I decided to explore my dad’s new neighborhood looking for a good spot to draw. A spark has been relit in my heart, the desire to draw again. In high school I drew all the time. I doodled, painted, worked with clay, I was always doing something artsy, but since college, I lost that desire and that ability. I forgot how freeing it was to pick up a pen and literally draw what is right in front of me.

I found that again this break and I love it.

For my birthday, I was given a journal to draw in and I was so excited. It was probably one of the greatest gifts because it was unexpected and something that was so familiar to me but so distant (if that makes sense).

This journal has relit the spark that I thought I lost.

Drawing is something I can escape through, much like writing.

I can also connect with God through my drawing, like this morning.

I found a quiet spot in front of the lake and sat down and drew what was in front of me. I listened to Jesus music and just sat in His creation.

I listened to the birds, watched the ducks dive underwater, felt the warm Florida air and even felt the mist from the fountain.

Really, I was in heaven.

I wasn’t even worried about the 8ft long alligator my stepmom kept warning my sister and I about ;)

A familiar song came on my ipod, one I have recently begun to skip over because I tend to really drive songs into the ground, and this was one of them. But this morning I decided to leave it and I decided to listen to what the lyrics were really saying.

“I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free

But you think you're the one that grace could never reach

So you just keep asking, what everybody's asking”

The constant question being asked in my head: Am I worth it?

The devil would tell me no, but the Lord has promised me, yes.

“You’re worth it, you can’t earn it. Yeah the cross has proven that you are sacred and blameless, your life has purpose. You are more then flesh and bone can’t you see your something beautiful, yeah you got to believe that you are someone worth dying for”

When I sat there listening to this, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus died for me, He didn’t have to, but he bore MY sin on that Cross.

“It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

This I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom”

I’m grateful for my time in Florida. Not only to spend time with Dad, Caron, Ben, Nick and Cassidy, but for the time to do things I enjoy and to reconnect with God through something I forgot I loved so much.

I am thankful for a simple, blank journal.  

Being in Florida with my family can bring many emotions. Some good, some bad, some sad, but this year i'm really discovering just how much I love it and how much joy my little siblings bring me. It seems so surreal to be all in one place.
Last night we were all outside playing football before dinner. Just to run around with them, play, and be free with ALL my siblings was something I wish I could experience more.

Cassidy was in her own little world playing soccer, but she does have quite the soccer moves
I would stop and kick the ball to her in between passes and she would giggle and smile. Precious :)

See? Soccer player in the making :)

Got some bonding time with Fric and Frac while step mom went to work. 

We worked on a puzzle. Winnie the Pooh to be exact.

It's 500 pieces...so still working. 

We were also able to take Ben on a little shopping trip to Walmart. Thankful for the time spent just with Ben. 

As you can see, I got a little sun today ;)

I am so so so thankful for the time i've had with my siblings and I wish I could be in their life more then just one week a year. 

They're a special group of kids and I love every second of being with them.

It's a blessing :)

Melanie

A Meaningful Card

Tonight my family took me to Olive Garden to celebrate my 20th birthday.
My mom, the amazing woman that she is, got me a very special card.
Immediately I began to cry as I read what it had to say.

Dear Daughter,
I don't often tell you how much it means to have a daughter like you- how it's hard to imagine what life would be like without you- without our talks and special times. If you weren't my daughter, something very special would be missing, because having you was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Happy Birthday.
With love,
Mom

Love you mom.
Thankful for the sacrifices you have made over the years to raise Sis and I. You are special to me.

Melly