Bitterness

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger"
Ephesians 4:26


This verse hasn't always settled with me well. I am an internal, therefore sometimes I need to go to bed angry in order to finish processing why I am angry, don't I? 
Well, no.
I don't believe God gave us this command in Ephesians just to be overlooked.
If it was something humans naturally did, would God need to command this of us?
No again.
I've discovered when I go to bed angry, bitterness begins to seep into my heart and then that bitterness begins to grow.
I know what bitterness feels like. I've battled it all my life. I've let bitterness seep into my heart and have control over me. And quite frankly, I don't want it controlling me anymore.
Obviously God understands the destroying ability bitterness has on human hearts therefore he commands us to not let the sun go down with our anger.
All of a sudden, this passage isn't quite so unsettling. 
It all makes sense.
Yes anger is real, yes I do get angry, but I don't have to let it control me.
I need to control my anger, not let my anger control me.


Melanie 

I have been on a journey to find myself.

I have learned that I am incredibly independent.

This can be good and this can be very bad. I realized that my independence can make me stubborn, something I need to work on, but I also realized that my independence inhibits my ability to depend on friends, family, and if I’m not careful, God.

I grew up believing that I needed to be independent. I believed that I needed to be able to support myself because there are “no guarantees” in life. I believed I didn’t need to depend on anyone because I was told I needed to take care of myself.

As much as I admire the women who taught me these things all my life, I discovered I can depend on people; it’s called a community.

God has been teaching me the importance of friendship and loyalty and the difference it makes in my life when people come along side of me and feel with me.

Sometimes words are painful, sometimes they sting, but they also have the power to speak truth.

I’ve also learned that I am an internal. Well, I’ve known that because my sister’s been pointing that out for years. But I’ve recently discovered just what this means.

It means that, I process in my head before I am ready to discuss what I am feeling. It also means I can’t always process with people because I walk away from conversations even more confused then when I went in.

I’ve found that society tries to change internals. We live in a world where people believe in immediate fixing. We desire a quick and easy solution but sometimes quick and easy isn’t always right. Sometimes we need to think and process and internalize and that is okay too.

Internals can’t be externals and externals can’t be internals but I do believe we compliment each other.

My sister and I are quite the pair. I learn from her and she learns from me. She is an external and I am an internal. It has taken us years to appreciate this about ourselves and about each other. I just thought she was strange for always talking about how she was feeling and she thought I was normal for suppressing how was feeling. She wished she could be like me and secretly I wished I could be like her. At least she understood how she was feeling. 

I appreciate her bold personality and I appreciate her ability to teach me. Sometimes I think she knows me better then I know myself. Maybe that’s why God made us sisters, someone has to understand me ;)

Melanie

1 Peter 3:11

"...let him seek peace and pursue it" 


Food for the soul. 
God is teaching me. 
He's teaching me about friendship, about relationships, about myself, about loyalty, about trust, about love, about what it means to truly love Him. 


Even though it may seem at times like this world cannot get any harder, or the pain cannot get any worse, I know I was not made for this world, and that brings my heart peace. 
I know that my trials and my pain allow me to grow.
James wrote a whole book on it! I read the book of James today and it taught me to persevere through trials because it produces steadfastness, be doers of the word, tame my tongue, be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to anger, wisdom is from God, live for today and enjoy the present, and never stop praying. 
I'm learning from James. His wisdom is from above and I desire such wisdom.

Finding Your Voice

This has been on my heart to share for awhile as I've been trying to find "my voice".
Certain circumstances have led me to understand the importance of finding my own voice and ultimately God's voice.
I feel sometimes as Christians, we have many people in our lives telling us "the best way to live" or "the right way to be in a relationship" and quite frankly, I hate it. I do not believe there is one way to live or one way to be in a relationship.

God has created each of us unique and each of us in His own image, therefore, none of us are the same. What makes humans unique is their variability. We aren't simply cookie cutter models of someone else.
I am me and you are you and that is okay.


I am an internal processor. I try to figure things out in my head before I discuss them with other people, if I don't, I end up saying things that I don't mean, don't believe, or haven't had the time to figure out on my own therefore I find myself going along with the best fit answer.
I have learned that it is okay to process internally. It is okay to not always have the answers when someone asks for them, and it is okay to be me.
It is okay to find my voice when dealing with a struggle.

I love talking to my friends about what I am going through because I desire for people to come along side of me, walk with me through my struggles, and love me despite my flaws. But sometimes, despite great intentions, I get too many voices and too many people telling me different things and it makes it harder to live. I want to always be me and never lose sight of that. I know what I was created for and I know I have a purpose but my purpose looks very different from everyone else's purpose and that is okay.
God has been teaching to me slow down, to listen, to find Him, and to find me. 


I have been overwhelmed recently with a peace I cannot explain.
Even though, in moments, it feels like my world has been flipped upside down, I have peace.
Even though I am drowning in a million worksheets, papers, and exams, I have peace.
Even though I am struggling, I have peace.
And even though I may feel alone, I have peace.
I have a peace that I cannot describe but it is a peace not due to my own work, but a peace that can only come from Him.
I desire to hold on to this peace and remember what this feels like when i'm desperately searching for it.

Finding my voice has sent me on a journey, a journey of prayer, writing, processing and thinking.
But it's times like these when I know God is working because I can feel Him.
Even though conviction sucks, I am thankful for it because it is a gift.
Conviction means, God cares enough about my heart to change something in my life in order bring glory to Him and that is a gift in itself.

Melanie