I have been on a journey to find myself.

I have learned that I am incredibly independent.

This can be good and this can be very bad. I realized that my independence can make me stubborn, something I need to work on, but I also realized that my independence inhibits my ability to depend on friends, family, and if I’m not careful, God.

I grew up believing that I needed to be independent. I believed that I needed to be able to support myself because there are “no guarantees” in life. I believed I didn’t need to depend on anyone because I was told I needed to take care of myself.

As much as I admire the women who taught me these things all my life, I discovered I can depend on people; it’s called a community.

God has been teaching me the importance of friendship and loyalty and the difference it makes in my life when people come along side of me and feel with me.

Sometimes words are painful, sometimes they sting, but they also have the power to speak truth.

I’ve also learned that I am an internal. Well, I’ve known that because my sister’s been pointing that out for years. But I’ve recently discovered just what this means.

It means that, I process in my head before I am ready to discuss what I am feeling. It also means I can’t always process with people because I walk away from conversations even more confused then when I went in.

I’ve found that society tries to change internals. We live in a world where people believe in immediate fixing. We desire a quick and easy solution but sometimes quick and easy isn’t always right. Sometimes we need to think and process and internalize and that is okay too.

Internals can’t be externals and externals can’t be internals but I do believe we compliment each other.

My sister and I are quite the pair. I learn from her and she learns from me. She is an external and I am an internal. It has taken us years to appreciate this about ourselves and about each other. I just thought she was strange for always talking about how she was feeling and she thought I was normal for suppressing how was feeling. She wished she could be like me and secretly I wished I could be like her. At least she understood how she was feeling. 

I appreciate her bold personality and I appreciate her ability to teach me. Sometimes I think she knows me better then I know myself. Maybe that’s why God made us sisters, someone has to understand me ;)

Melanie