Being two places at once

Whenever I get home from school it's a flood of emotions. Don't get me wrong, I am so so so happy to be home with my sister and my mom, I love them dearly, but I cannot help but feel like something is missing.

My emotions range from happiness one moment to sadness the next. Really, I'm an emotional wreck for the first week.

I've processed through why I am feeling what I am feeling and I came to a few conclusions.

1. Trying to make two places home is hard work

I chose to go away to school, I desired to move out, live on my own, and experience college. I wanted the community of a dorm, I wanted the freedom that college brought and I wanted the independence. That being said, two weeks before I moved away, my childhood house was sold and we were moving to a new town. It was a lot to take in. Not only was I moving away, but when I returned for breaks, it would be in a brand new house, a new neighborhood, and neighbors who I didn't know. It was hard.
I was battling to make Cedarville my home at the same time I was trying to make Toledo my home.
I did not think it was possible to have my heart in two places at once.

2. Community is everything to me.

Wherever I find myself, now or in the future, I know that this statement is true. Community is something I love, something I value, something I cherish. During high school I had a great community and great friends but I knew this was going to come to an end when I moved away. I knew I was going to have to start over and that terrified me. My first year of college, I found 4 best friends. I found my community. We could not be more different, but I love them the same.

Hilary, my spunky roommate and accountability partner. She is so special to me. We have had two years together and we are fully prepared for our third year as roommates. I've learned to appreciate her and value the time I have with her because it is rare, but all the more special. We could not be more opposite, but our strengths are enhanced through each other. I thank God for "randomly" giving me a life long friend.

Lauren, my understandable and loving friend. She shows me grace everyday and I am thankful for that. She teaches me through her innocence and loves me despite my OCDness. She makes me laugh until I cannot breathe and I love it. I thank our RA's for setting up a freshmen dinner that first week otherwise we would not of met. God knew what He was doing :)

Chelsea, my adventurous and free spirited friend. She shows me what it means to love those in need. Never have I met someone more willing to leave something so familiar and so comfortable to serve in an uncomfortable and dangerous area. I admire that. I desire that kind of faith. Chelsea, you teach me the power of love and I thank God for you.

Victoria, my polar opposite friend. Let's face it, we could not be more different and I love it. I love it because I know this friendship is not one I chose, but one He chose. Regardless of where we are at, how many miles separate us, you are still one of my best friends. Your heart is incredible. You give when you have nothing and you love unconditionally. God has shown me how to love others through you.

In Toledo, my community changes. I still have my friends from school, but in a different way. We connect via text, phone, skype and the occasional visits.

My sister will always be my best friend, my community in both places. 

Sister, my beautiful, strong, and loving friend. You teach me to dream and to be free. You teach me to learn exactly what it means to be me and to embrace who I am. We are silly, yet serious, we laugh and cry and I wouldn't change one thing about you. You are you and because of this you bless me and countless others. I thank God for giving me not only the best big sister, but also the greatest and most loyal best friend.

3. I am learning my purpose at school and at home...they look very different.

At school I am an RA, a student, a friend and an employee. I have a purpose and I love it. I feel like I am where I belong and I trust the One who placed me there.
At home, my purpose changes. I am not an RA and I am not a student. Sometimes, I feel like I don't have a purpose and that is hard.
I remember my sister telling me something over Christmas break and it has stuck with me ever since. She told me that just because I don't have the same purpose I have at school doesn't mean I do not have a purpose at home. Maybe my purpose at home is to grow, read, write, relax and do things that I enjoy because when the semester starts, these things are harder to do.
Words of wisdom right there sister, thank you :)

I know that a lot of college students who move away wrestle with this and I want to challenge you, just because you feel like you do not have a purpose now that you are home, does not mean that you don't.
Solomon said it best in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace"

Your purpose looks different then mine, but you do have one at home...find it.

Melanie