Numb

Whipping out her journal, struggling to find the words to say.

Praying she will be heard.

Praying she will feel. 

Praying for any sign that everything will be okay.

No answer. Just silence

She feels alone, does anyone else struggle with this?
Does anyone else feel numb?
Can anyone else not feel?

She feels it's a curse, she feels she can't move forward.
She fears she can't love.

She takes time to herself.
Time to heal
Time to feel
Time to hear

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent
Exodus 14:14

She is silent. 

She takes a drive with her best friend.
"Are you going to talk to me" Asks her friend
The tears come.
She doesn't know what's wrong. She hasn't known for weeks.
She can't explain it.
They pull into where they are supposed to meet people.
"You don't have to do this" Says her friend.
They get out of the car and walk into the meeting place.

It's empty.

They went to the wrong place.

Her heart feels free.

She spends the evening with her best friend walking around the mall.
Eating frozen yogurt with as many toppings as she desires.
Looking at expensive prom dresses and reliving her senior prom.
Petting puppies in a small store in the corner of the mall.
Getting kicked out of the mall- what mall closes at 9pm?
Falling down snow mounds because they can't find the car.
Falling down running to the car because they are laughing too hard.
Sitting in Mcdonald's with two dollar sevens for an hour.
Finally feeling joy and freedom.

The love of a friend.
She's healing.

Can you relate? Do you ever find yourself wishing you were anyone but yourself?
Struggling to feel, struggling to hear truth, and struggling with doubt?
Doubt is powerful, an enemy, a curse of sin.
I find peace knowing it's not supposed to be this way. Peace in the comfort of a good friend.
Peace in a Savior who died for me.
Peace that one day my emotions will be clear and my heart will be whole.

You're different.
That's okay.
I am too.